COACH’S CORNER
Bingo!
Under
the darkening skies on late Sunday in June - an epiphany.
With a couple of steps
backwards the Defense made a quantum leap forward. A porous and seemingly soft
unit took on the appearance of a Steel Curtain, picking off passes, knocking
down balls, smothering receivers and wreaking havoc on the QB.
They just seemed to “get
it”, almost magically, as if the Lamp had been rubbed in just the right way –
some good, ol’ fashioned Sabuian
rubbing - and the genie popped out and granted our wish to make-over the Sniper
D.
Just like that.
Now, there were a few
problems on the other side of the ball which still emanate a pungent stench
from the last game. Normally, one could write that off to someone leaving the
Creamy Beets out in the hot sun for a few days, but in this case, it was a
product of our own dysfunctional play, and the only source of estrogen on the
playing field.
But what to my wondering
eyes should appear? A practice with Scooter going up and
fighting for the ball and taking it from the CB. Then, I see that my
entire starting Offence will be present at the next game, aka,
Burgerfest ’03. Then I see a scoreboard which is
barren of Baron points, and gloriously lit up with
Sniper Bullseys!
Much better that a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
Heck, the only way we’d
see that, is if our opponents all dropped their shorts before the opening
Kickoff on a crisp and cool 4 degree Celsius mooring.
Then we’d really see some tiny reindeer.
Now we must put behind
us the memory of tipped balls, phantom tags, cement shoes,
and toxic blood-alcohol levels and look ahead to the Sniper equivalent of
Whopper of Win Night. If the Snipers win, then every player will receive a
burger and a beer courtesy of the Team Doctor. If the Snipers lose, then every
player must buy the Doc a Burger from Burger Baron!?
And if you don’t’ think
that leaves any motivation for the Doc to want to win, well, he has to eat ALL
of those burgers at one sitting. Heh, I’d like to see
that attempt. The Doc ain’t no
Clair.
It’s time boys.
The time is now to
strike. Its time to put 60 minutes together, well, 54 minutes actually and it
is time to show on the game field what we have done over and over again on the
practice field. I have no doubt that we are not only capable of this, but that
success on the field is the ultimate result.
Lock ‘n Load, boys.
It’s Burgertime.
Well, here we are boys.
Our visit to the RTFI
field was not a pleasant one. Our results on the field were about as bad as the
state of the sidelines – rough, broken-up, and in desperate need of
improvement. Not many things went right, but, the Doc did manage to fix a few
of us up, and set the Snipers record for longest reception – 49 yards.
Coming off that serious
thrashing by the previously A Division Electric Company, otherwise known as the
Shock, we will now face the former prophylactic logos, who now wish to exude a
more mature presence, so, they now call themselves, The Creamy Beets.
Creamy
Beets.
Neither Creamy, nor
Beets, leads me to think anything about our opponents other than soft, slimy,
and purple. Ech!
Our time has come, boys.
Oh yes, our time is now.
The Beets are squarely
in the crosshairs of the Snipers’, and with their favorite weapons trained on
the Creamy Ones, there will be a beeting alright. Oh
yes, a BEATING indeed.
Trixx will be dancing around the corner and into the endzone, while PA will be haulin’
‘em in across the middle.
With his #1 weapon
well-Lubed, the Darcman will wheel us down the field
and slice and dice the Beets like a Ginsu Knife
infomercial.
Our Boots will be scootin’ and the Geiger counter will be off the scale, and
the Show will be nothing short of spectacular.
The Snipers’ D will pick off some creamy passes and perhaps, just
maybe, the Great Sabu will record his first QB Sack.
He will definitely scare the Cream out of the Beets QB.
Sabu unleashed. Is that within the parameters of the
Geneva Convention?
The memory of the shock
we received last week is fading and the anticipation of our impending beatnik
creaming grows as game time approaches.
Once again, the “experts”
have picked the Snipers to lose. So be it.
This will be the coming
out party for this fledgling franchise and if the “experts” want to continue to
make their “Barker-like” calls, then they will only continue to display their
ignorance.
There will be some very
interesting coffee-talk on Friday morning. Of that, I have no doubt,
whatsoever.
Lock and Load, boys.
In the meantime, and in
between time,
That’s it, another
edition of Coach’s Corner.
Welcome to this installment
of Coach’s Corner.
“Who do we play
tonight?” queried the Offensive Offender as he strolled towards the grassy
knoll known as
“I don’t know, but they
totally suck! They’re the worst team in the league!” replied the excited and
dashing Offender, looking all Custer-like in his shiny dress battle uniform.
“We should beat them by 70 points!” he announced confidently as they stepped
forth towards the Little Big Horn, also known as
Yes, indeed. It was to
be a Day That Will Live in Infamy. A Night to Remember.
A day about Heart.
For the chastised and
discounted Snipers, their Heart grew three sizes that day. They battled the
sling and arrows of outrageous ignorance. They battled the seemingly incessant winds
of the sprawling plains. They battled superior confidence and arrogance.
But just like General
George Armstrong Custer and President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the seemingly
invincible was given an unexpected and pungent trip to the RTFI morgue.
Sweet Georgia Brown! The
Snipers had put one through the back of the Offenders head with more surprise
and sting than a CIA sharpshooter on a grassy hill in
And to boot, they did
not accomplish this amazing feat with their entire Sniper Nation surrounding
the arrogant, but outnumbered Blue Coat Offenders, they did with almost half
the starting lineup on the limp, and their leader, Chief Sitting Darc sporting a serious Battle Wound, and far from top
fighting shape. Yet, battle like a warrior, he did. The Ultimate Warrior, even.
Oh yes, they thought it
would be easy. But that was before they had a taste of
And yes, they thought
they were impenetrable. But that was before Lube greased ‘em
up and stuck it deep.
They thought it would be
like setting up a patsy. But that was before they saw The Show, and the havoc a
Dead President can create.
So, even though we were hurtin’ like a M*A*S*H* unit, our
Boot Scooter looked like he had a load in his Boots, Trix
looked like he was gonna serve up his breakfast
before the game, and Double K was MIA, we stuck together. We didn’t give up
when things turned on us in the second half. We stuck with the game plan, made
some very opportunistic play calls, and stepped up to the plate and stopped
them when the game was on the line.
I was very proud of
everyone. I felt like a proud Papa or something – maybe Grandpa is more like
it. Whatever the case, it felt really strange to hear my name mentioned in the
pre-game so many times and with so much disrespect. I mean really, don’t they
have anything more interesting or poignant to talk about than an old man from
the past that possesses no skills or knowledge of consequence?
Well, boys, if we did
that well, and have come this far with Johhny Mac,
just imagine how far you all can go with someone who actually DOES possess
Skill and Knowledge!
There. That’s my little
soap box shot.
All I know is, it
started to click last night, and we’ve barely begun to rev up the motor on this
Sniping Machine. There is lots of work ahead and many things yet to accomplish
and learn, but I truly believe we are on the path to bigger and better
successes.
Great Game guys!
In the meantime, and in
between time,
That’s it, another
edition of Coach’s Corner.
Welcome to the first
installment of Coach’s Corner.
First off, let me say
how happy I am to be involved with such an energetic, enthusiastic, rollicking,
and eager-to-learn bunch of guys. After 10 years of coaching at the Junior level, and 7 city championships, I am looking forward
to the challenge of running a successful program at the senior level. And even
more importantly, I feel very fortunate that I was approached to take on this
challenge. I am looking forward to working with some players that I have had
the pleasure of coaching before, along with some fresh green recruits, and a
few ol’ savvy veterans.
It’s also great to see
that there are few good ol’ boys who know how to
polish off a couple of ‘pops’ after the game. And, a few hungry pups that can
polish off a pizza before the steam stops rising.
As well, it is great to
be hooked up with the person who I began my football experience with some 20
years ago, the one and only Darcman
Now, I would much rather
have seen us have many more practices and a much higher turnout for practices
in general, I am very pleased with what we have accomplished given the lack of
practice time and attendance. We all have other things in our lives besides
football, (don’t we?), but our learning curve will be a long and winding one
without a high level of commitment to practice.
I KNOW we have the
pieces of a football machine, but, they must be put together properly or we’re gonna make about as much noise as Scooter at the round
table.
As for our first game,
well... it wasn’t’ exactly how I envisioned it. Call it nervous energy. Call it
opening game jitters. Call it a team with its players all wound up a little too
tight. The bottom line was that we just did not execute our assignments, and
were victimized by mental lapses. That, and Hurricane Monty.
We did shut out a pretty
good team for 2 quarters, and had chances to score ourselves, and I think it is
only a matter of time before we are celebrating our Franchise’s inaugural
victory. This well be especially true, if our team can play with even half the
drive and enthusiasm of our poster boy for Inspiration, Positive-thinking, and
hard-charging Gung Ho-ing – the Great Sabu.
And so, our task is
simple: put out the fires, get our Boot Scooters Boogie-ing,
get the Show back up and running, keep the Wizard and Toto from getting blown
away, make sure our darts hit the board, and that the only tricks we fall for
are the ones that play in the Parlor.
In the meantime, and in
between time,
That’s it for this
installment of the Coach’s Corner.